Tag Archives: Desire

Flexible discipline and habit

I am still struggling with going the extra mile and discipline and habit as right now I am tired (again) and don’t really feel like writing a post here and certainly not the next self analysis post.

And yes, I am seeing and feeling the power of habit as I am writing here now. And I am still making the bed every day, even though sometimes, very sometimes, just before I go to bed. But I do it.

And I also feel the habit of doing my little exercise in the morning, even though recently I was not able to do the sets of twenty as is basically my goal, but mostly sets of five that I mostly try to increase over the days.

So yes, these habits have brought me something and they are very powerful. But I am starting to realize I also seem to have developed the habit of being unhappy (instead of happy) and I have no clue how to change that, as all these self help ‘tricks’ don’t seem to help.

And yes, somehow I still don’t feel like I am able to control my thoughts, maybe the most important thing to do in life, maybe the most important message from Think and Grow Rich, from Napoleon Hill.

And I feel like I (still) lost all my desire and recently I lost almost all my sex drive, even though the last always was one of my wishes. But now I have it it’s no fun, as indeed I believe that sex is the major driver of human action, and I am also kind of experiencing that right now, as without my sex drive everything seems so dull, so useless, so aimless.

Ah, and I got back to my daily planning, and it is working, as it gives me some direction for every day and helps me finish things and makes me feel somehow kind of satisfied when I notice that I have all the things that I planned for a day.

So yes, I know all the tricks and even apply many or most or all of them, even keeping a daily gratitude diary.

But no, I am still not living, there is still something missing and I have no clue what, or how to get it, even though I feel it must be there.

So no, not a positive post today, although writing this down, making this analysis, could be the start of finding a solution, the solution. The solution how to live and enjoy life.


Ah, one good thing, as while finishing this post Ulla came to me, the dog that is still alive because,. next to other things, I decided to bring her to the vet, do everything I could to make her survive. And her coming to me just now gave me a very good feeling, even made me kind of feel happy.


I am a bit discouraged and that also meant that the last few days, when I was out of town and it was difficult to access the internet I didn’t write my daily posts here. And I experience that I am becoming more and more relaxed with my daily posts here, even though I did some good work with the self analysis questions, but still.

And I know what is behind my discouragement and that is actually very simple: my activities here, with this site don’t seem to give any real return, at least not to me. Or maybe stated better, the site and the idea didn’t take off as I expected it to.

So what to do? Something needs to change, but what. Do I need to change my plan? At least that is what Napoleon Hill suggests: if something doesn’t work it means your plan is not sound, so create a new plan and set sail again to the thing you want. But that brings me to some difficult decision as I am not sure what I want anymore with this site, with this project.

And no, this site is not my definite purpose. Or is it? Maybe it is related still.

But anyhow, very frustrating there are no comments and no team and I have no clue if anyone appreciates what I am doing, even though I know many people like the daily quotes.

But I also have my needs and they are not being met.

So what to do?

Dream, determination and persistence

I just saw a documentary on National Geographic about the Hubble Space Telescope and then saw in Facebook that today is Hubble’s 25th anniversary through a post of one of my friends.

And the TV documentary made clear to me that achieving a working space telescope was a journey with tremendous determination and persistence, as everything that could go wrong actually also often did go wrong.

But they did it! So another story that with determination and persistence one can achieve anything. And it all starts with a thought, a dream.

And a matter of Master Mind of course, as many people were involved.

My own time

Today was a bit a strange day as I just came back from a short holiday yesterday, but I felt I needed some time for myself as the holiday felt kind of mandatory because my partner decided to celebrate his birthday somewhere else, so I felt obliged to join him there to be there for him.

So after all my obligations before my ‘holiday’ and my ‘obliged holiday’ today I finally decided to have a day off and not do the things I planned to do like starting work straight away, even though I did some little things that one could consider work.

And it was strange when somehow I started playing music, something I do sometimes if I want to have some time for myself. And it made me happy as it mostly does. So I continued playing music and shared a bit of that on Facebook.

So yes, a human being needs some time for himself or herself, as today I finally felt a bit more relaxed after doing some things I wanted to do, doing some things I just enjoy doing, something I don’t often do.

So a lost day? I don’t think so.

And probably I will continue working again tomorrow, but thinking right now I may just postpone that a bit more. Until it really feels good.

Self analysis, question 30

I was in doubt whether I would still do my daily post stuff today after going out with a friend. But somehow what he said stimulated me to turn on my computer half an hour ago and still send my daily quote and update my gratitude diary and write here right now.

So let’s see what today’s self analysis question is. And it is “Are you easily influenced by others, against your own judgement?. And the first thing that comes into my mind is that I am easily influenced by my partner against my own judgement, but that in general I am not easily influence by others. But straight away this puts the question if this is true, as if I am influenced by my partner against my own judgment, couldn’t it be true that this also happens to me with other people?

So why am I doing it? Well, I guess in the first place to gain his love. And second because I want to avoid his anger, avoid things breaking.

And I know this is not healthy, that I should stand up. But some how I can’t, somehow I don’t.

So am I also doing this with other people, in other situations?

Something to watch I guess.

And also better find a way to change it. As it’s not healthy.