Tag Archives: Persistence

Doubt

I was, and still am, a bit in doubt what to write here, as I had a pretty busy day ending with a few hours without electricity which is why it is pretty late right now. And my doubt is about whether I will continue with the next self analysis question or if I just write a short post ‘just to write a post’. But actually I decided already: I just want to write a short note here that at least I am alive and am still fulfilling my daily task of writing here, which has helped me to become more disciplined.

And it is strange writing about doubt here, as often when I am tired I am still in doubt whether to write a short post, even one line or something or just skip the day. And mostly I decide to write and often I write even more than I was planning to, just like now, but the doubt keeps haunting me and also confirms to me right now that I could just make a decision on that right now for future posts, for future days when it is late and/or when I am tired.

And somehow I don’t want to, somehow I can’t make that decision right now for the future, even though implicitly I already made it, as mostly I just decide to write, no matter where I am, no matter the circumstances and no matter what time it is. And I am thinking now about two weeks ago, when I was on holiday in Siargao and even a few days on a very remote island with virtually no internet access. And I did send the daily quote most of the days, but writing posts I mostly skipped as it just felt like ‘too much’.

And well, even today I was able to write quite a bit, much more than just the one line that I felt actually was appropriate for today. It does even feel likes it makes some sense, so not bad I guess. And the last ‘I guess’ of course includes doubt, which is to be avoided related to success.

Advertising

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I just decided to do some paid advertising for Inspiration for Success on Facebook and it feels a bit strange, as I am kind of against advertising and I kind of decided not to put money in Inspiration for Success. But traffic is not increasing, on the contrary, a few months ago it went down quite a lot and only the last week or so it has stabilized and goes up a little bit now, but it is nowhere to what I wanted and expected when I started this site, this blog, this idea.

And I have no clue to earn from it or something, or even what the site means as it all got lost in not meeting my expectations, traffic not increasing, people not commenting and the team leaving me long time ago.

And I know I am persistent and together with the ideas from Think and Grow Rich that keeps me going, but for a long time it has been no fun anymore, where I started so enthusiastically sharing the stuff I found about inspiration and success, the Principles of Success.

Anyhow, something needs to happen and a few days ago I started paid advertising for one of my customers as I thought that would be a good way to promote his businesses, and I think I was right, as the advertisements at least produced “Like’s”, which means people are following those pages now. So well, why not do it for Inspiration for Success, and The Malasag House, so I decided to spend a little money on that just half an hour ago or so.

And it is kind of against my ideas, supporting big companies like Facebook, as they seem to have the power and earn more and more. But maybe they deserve it and maybe this works for me (and customers/interested people).

And I also want to become rich through something like Facebook, so somehow I am the same.

Anyhow, strange to do this and it was kind of an impulse, but keeping doing the things I did before doesn’t seem to work, so I have to do something else.

And Facebook works, so why not for me?

Back home

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Paradise location I just arrived home, or actually a few hours ago, so it is much easier now to write my daily posts and send my daily inspirational quote email. And the last few days, last week I have thought a lot about posting daily here or not. And more often than not I didn’t post, as it was quite a lot of hassle with very bad internet on my smart phone and an internet cafe that was just a little too far away, or just not there as yesterday and the day before yesterday most of the day.

And it made me think a lot about doing things ‘whatever it takes’, as I could have done a lot more effort to indeed do my daily posts and send the daily inspirational quote. I could have put more load in my smart phone and take some more time to find better spots for internet connection or more time to really write a post. Or I could have asked friends with different cellphones, smart phones and tablets to let me use their devices. Or indeed walk or drive to an internet cafe or a location with a lot better internet.

But I didn’t, at least most of the time for writing my posts. And the main reason is that after more than two years of hard work,of discipline, of writing here virtually every day and sending an inspirational quote by e-mail virtually every day the number of readers and users has hardly increased after my first efforts to build some e-mail list from my own contacts, even though it has grown on its own for most of the time now. But very slowly, with maybe one person per month or so for the last few months.

And I know there are more ways, better ways to build audience. But until now I have hardly used that, as I believed (wanted?) the site to grow on its own through its content, through the things I write only, or at least mainly. And it didn’t.

And of course here come the Principles of Success in sight, as they may give the direction. But I have been persistent and stuck to my decision to write every day (and to let the audience grow through the content). And I desire more users, more readers, more listeners, more people to help, more people to inspire. And I took action, as I did quite a lot of things, like writing every day, but also building some awesome WordPress plugins.

But no, I have no Master Mind. And I don’t really have a plan (I think). And I did not really do anything autosuggestion.

And I realize I don’t really remember all Principles of Success right now, so it may be a good exercise to check this site against all Principles of Success and not only the ones that are relatively easy for me. As that is e.g. true for persistence.

But not today, as I think I have done enough for today. And I am not sure if Napoleon Hill puts enough emphasis on relaxation and rest and maybe flexibility. As those are also very important I believe.

Self Analysis, question 17

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Ah, today’s question is an interesting one: “Do you tolerate negative or discouraging influences which you can avoid?”. And the interesting part is the ‘you can avoid’, as somehow related to anything ‘success’, relating to successful people I have the feeling that they just made it through their own effort. And even Think and Grow Rich states something like that. But this question implies there are things you cannot avoid. Or could it be it is just challenging you, challenging me to also think about what you can avoid and what not?

So do I tolerate negative or discouraging influences. Yes, I certainly do, as I consider my partner as a negative influence on my life. But he is my partner and I don’t want to leave me. And somehow my house is a negative influence as it is too big and too expensive to maintain in my current situation. And the place where I live somehow has a negative influence on my life, but as I love the house I want to stay here and rather make the place a positive place than moving elsewhere because that would be easier.

So this is a very interesting self analysis question as it makes me think again about how I choose in life, what I chose, somehow whatever the consequences. And those two things, my partner and my house, are life choices for me that I don’t want to change. And somehow they go back to what I learned about definite purpose and sticking with decisions, or at least change them slowly if ever.

And still, no matter how bad my situation is, no matter how bad I often feel, somehow I have gotten stronger, much stronger the last two years since I started reading Think and Grow Rich and working from it.

So yes, I choose some negative influences I can avoid as I don’t want to run away anymore. This time I want to stick around and make it work.

Self analysis, question 10

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Well, the question “Are you envious of those who excel you?” sounds like a full yes for me, although I am not fully sure now if I understand the question correctly as I am especially envious of people who are more famous or richer than I am. Or maybe better stated, I am envious of those who are more successful than I am.

And thinking a bit further I am especially envious of the people who have better social skills, people skills than I have, and as far as I may believe others that would be the majority of the people.

And while writing this I realize it is less simple than my perception, than what I see. As there are probably people who are envious of me, who think I excel them. And I know I am more intelligent than average, so I guess people would be or could be envious of that. And I still live in a very big house, so I am pretty sure many people are envious of that, although that has nothing to do with excelling.

And in my mind is something that I read (again) recently, that we humans tend to compare our inner self, how we see ourselves, with the outside of other people. Which means that we don’t see how other people actually feel or where they actually stand.

And well, if I have to be open I guess I should write about some people I am really envious of excelling me and the first is my ex-partner. As what I see and know is that he has a much more ‘normal’ life than I have after we separated. And he is doing the things, yes, now with his new partner, we were supposed to do together. So from the outside he has everything I thought I would have, everything I dreamed of. So yes, I am very jealous and I feel very, well, humiliated that I, who is the more intelligent and ‘better’ person fell down so deep where he is doing pretty well. And I am very ashamed towards him, that I didn’t manage to build a decent life and he did. And that goes so far that I am scared of him, don’t dare to meet him anymore. And I know I need to do something with that, as I guess we are both human and both did the best we could.

And that brings me to the fact that I feel so down, that I don’t understand why I ‘didn’t make it’, or didn’t make it yet. Maybe that makes me feel so ashamed, something like that I have some kind of flaw that makes me a failure.

And yes, where I am now, where I went over the last eight years or so, made me also very humble, as I did what I could and it just wasn’t enough. So there must be more going on than what I do or what I know, as if anybody deserved success it would be me, at least if it depended on hard work and persistence.

So maybe that is what I had to learn, that no matter who you are and no matter what you do, you can still go down in a way you could have never imagined, that you could break all of your rules as circumstances or something are stronger than you.

And I know this goes against the Principles of Success, but I have no other explanation except that there are powers beyond my knowledge, beyond my control, that can make or break things. And yes, I know I have been stubborn and maybe I still am, but no one would understand how I could go down so deep and so quick, or maybe in such a hidden way.

So maybe there is something like ‘luck’, although I still want to prove otherwise, as I still don’t know how to get out of this mess, except pushing through with the things I started. And running away also doesn’t help, didn’t help, so that is no real option for me anymore.

And no clear answer or something, but good I wrote this down.