Today was a very emotional day for me, as one of our dogs was (and is) very sick and I was quite affected with it and didn’t know what to do. And there is quite some history to this, as quite some years ago I was confronted with a very sick also and I felt wrongly advised by the vet, resulting in a dead dog, a dead puppy of maybe 2 or 3 months old. And I was very angry with the vet, as they hadn’t advised me properly, and if they would have, the dog might not have died.

So I saw myself confronted with another dog with a similar problem, not being able to keep any food or fluids in her stomach, which was the same problem the other dog had, and not really knowing what other vet to go to, as somehow this is still ‘our’ vet and probably still the best known vet in Cagayan de Oro City.

And I don’t have any money and we don’t have a car, so it’s a lot of hassle to bring a sick Rottweiler to a vet. And she really looked sick and she is already something like ten years old, so last night I kind of gave up on her already and was wondering if I would see her alive this morning. But she was still alive tonight and even moved to another place a few meters away while she could hardly walk and she looked pretty okay this morning (see photo). And she still tried to eat, although she didn’t want to drink anymore, but it was very frustrating to see that it all came out again. Somehow here digestive system couldn’t process it anymore.

So this morning I felt pretty bad and didn’t know what to do and I had no feeling whatsoever of Infinite Intelligence or God or a hunch or whatever one might look for when one is lost, so I just waited and lie a bit on the couch and just checked on the dog again and again not knowing what to do, basically waiting for her to die.

And yes, I was kind of sending prayers out to God or The Universe or whatever to give me some answer, as I really didn’t know what to do and had no feeling about it. And no, no  answer came.

Until, somehow I posted a message in Facebook (with above photo) sharing my feeling of being lost an confused, not expecting anything.

And then, somehow my prayer was answered. As when I checked later I saw the post got quite some comments, some of them urging me to go to a vet NOW. And I didn’t get the answer fully yet, as I asked for help, help that didn’t really come in the form of someone offering to bring me to the vet in his or her car.

And then, somehow I went to Ulla and saw her eat the baby food we gave her again and again, trying to somehow keep it inside, which she didn’t manage. And then I knew it was time to move, indeed get a taxi and just bring her to the vet to figure out what was wrong with her, as somehow she hadn’t given up on herself, where I was not sure whether to give up or not.

And looking back it was indeed some inspired answer, something Infinite Intelligence, as I just knew what to do and that it was the right thing. And indeed, as indicated in Law of Attraction stuff, somehow things started to move by themselves. I informed the vet she didn’t need to come to the house anymore, which I had requested before, but what didn’t happen. And apparently for a reason, as looking back I would have needed to go down to the city anyhow. And a taxi was quickly found and soon we were on the way to the vet. And the vet just did her job and analyzed what was going on and sent us out for x-rays (strange, didn’t know that was also done with dogs). And everybody was just helpful and tried to figure out what was (and maybe still is) wrong with her. And I also knew I had to leave her behind, something I kind of dreaded, as with the other dog the next day I just had to pick up a dead dog and had to pay a pretty large bill.

And it was relatively easy to do all those things and to trust all those people and Ulla also seemed to know, as even on the x-ray table she wiggled her tail and seemed pretty okay. And it was strange to see and know that the helper of the vet still knows Ulla and he just joined us to the x-ray venue and carried Ulla on his own (as I try to avoid carrying because of my back injury and our helper that I asked to join seemed not needed for carrying her).

And the hardest part, leaving Ulla behind, as I wanted her to be on IV, wasn’t as hard as I expected and Ulla seemed pretty okay in the cage alone with the other dogs. And no, of course this may not end good like her having a real big problem with her intestines, or she may just die tonight. But the last I doubt as she is looked in pretty good shape and alive, especially after receiving the IV fluids, contrary to the other dog, but everything just felt right.

And this all made me think of learning from mistakes, one of the self analysis questions, and I think I learned a lot, even though I thought I was making the same mistake again. But I didn’t, as this time I didn’t wait so long before taking charge. And I shared with other people what was going on. And I took responsibility for all the decisions I made (and didn’t and probably won’t blame the vet for anything).

So of course I don’t know if Ulla is going to be okay again, I mean she is getting old and she is still pretty sick and weak. But I doubt she is going to die in the clinic as she looked quite okay when I left and I am determined that if she is going to die she will die at home.

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