Tag Archives: Progress

Slowly but surely?

Well, today I worked further on the software to store and display the pages top inspirational sites and top motivational sites. And I didn’t feel like uploading what I had made, but I just did, as I was thinking to write a post about it. So what I can produce now from the database is:

Zen Habits

Alden Tan

Evaluation Chris Guillebeau

Marc and Angel Hack Life

The Law Of Attraction

And the kind of funny thing is, that this will change when I add more sites to the database. As the text I have entered above is [inspirational‑sites‑list]. And right now I only see two sites. And I have to use a trick here to display that text [inspirational‑sites‑list], otherwise that would also be replaced with the above list.

And in the mean time I have been doing what programmers are not supposed to do, just solve like twenty errors while writing this post. Or actually not only solving errors, but also adding missing functionality.

And well, I don’t think WordPress is the most efficient system to do these kind of things, at least not the way how I did it just now, but at least it works. And yes, everything I made is still WordPress compatible and for the individual pages for the inspirational and motivational sites I even use a WordPress feature I was not aware of. And yes, I am starting to see that WordPress is indeed a very powerful system with which you can indeed any type of website, although I still think the way how I normally build websites is a bit more efficient.

But well, over time I also learned that if something works then it’s okay. So for now this works, even though not very efficient, but nobody will notice as I think that with the current server and the current traffic nobody will notice that the stuff I added to deal with the inspirational and motivational sites is not optimized for speed, on the contrary.

Anyhow, my post was not about slow computers, but about the slow progress I made with the stuff for the inspirational and motivational sites. But apparently I have been faster than I thought, as the basics has been implemented here now, so I can start with fine tuning the stuff and entering the data. Which of course will create very structured and presentable pages for the top inspirational sites page and the top motivational sites page.

So yeah, I am pretty satisfied now that it’s working and even implemented here, although you can only see a little result here in this post right now. But pleas notice the links work and point to the pages with the relevant information.

Christmas eve

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It is Christmas Eve here, but I don’t feel like making posts about Christmas or send Christmas quotes, although the fireworks here just fifteen minutes ago made me search for a fireworks quote. I couldn’t find an inspirational though, so I decided to send something else.

Ah yes, and that brought me to forgiveness, something I still have a lot of difficulty with. But that may be related to my codependency, as I understand I need to learn to accept mistakes or something. And today I participated in a meeting of Codependents Anonymous, which at first scared me a lot as it makes me think of alcoholism as it is related to Alcoholics Anonymous. And one of the fears I had was ‘being sick’ as I don’t consider myself sick. And of course alcoholism scares me, as I guess it does many people, as it is no fun being an alcoholic or dealing with one. I had a friend once who was alcoholic and it was terrible to see what was going on. And I couldn’t do anything, I really felt powerless. As I found out that just throwing the alcohol away didn’t make any difference. Or even talking about it or asking my friend to throw it away, which he may have done at that moment, but I don’t remember the details.

But slowly I am starting to see the benefits of participating and indeed admitting to myself and to the group “I am Guus and I am codependent”, as that is how you are supposed to start to share. And it took me a while as ‘I am not just codependent’ and I don’t like labels, any labels, and certainly not of some weird sickness. But somehow I got there and I am starting to see the reason to start sharing like that. As somehow it is very liberating to admit something in that way because then you can start dealing with it. And of course it doesn’t mean something like “I am only co-dependent”. And as one of the group members pointed out to me, everybody has ‘something’, everybody is different and has ‘negative’ things he or she needs to find ways to deal with. And of course it is completely irrelevant if it is a sickness or not: I am very unhappy and have been so most of my life and if these meetings, these steps can help me be more happy, then why not. On the contrary.

And what kept me going and what finally made me kind of participating now are the promises that are given. And somehow something seems to have changed, not a lot, but changed. As I think this is the first time in my life that I belong somewhere, that there is a group of people that just listen to me and seem to have similar feelings and maybe experiences. So isn’t that wonderful, having a feeling of belonging, having a group of people happy listening to you and you listening to them?

Yes, those twelve steps programs seem to be really powerful, as I understand there are many of them. So if there is something you want to deal with or improve, maybe you could look for such a group. And related to the people welcome in Codependents Anonymous are just people with the intention to have better relationships, with themselves and with others. And who wouldn’t want that?

And yes, alcoholism still scares me. But if you have problems with alcohol, and deep within you you know, then you may just participate in one of the programs or groups of Alcoholics Anonymous. As I guess that would be the same experience I have now: finally some kind of a solution for a problem I can’t solve on my own.

Find and give inspiration

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I am still thinking how to add more value to this site by writing more inspirational posts. And that often makes me hesitant to start writing, like today, when I went to the other computer to write my daily post on this site.

And I was thinking where I mostly get my inspiration from. And yes, that is indeed from the e-mails I get from various sites I signed up for. Or at least some of them.

And yes, I am also considering to send e-mails like many blogs and inspirational sites do. But until now I decided not to, as I think my posts and pages and changes to pages are not yet good enough to share. And yes, also because I don’t want Inspiration for Success to be a blog, And I don’t want to write my posts like a blogger.

So that brings me of course to the question what I do want. And it always brings me back to the fact that I believe I had no one inspiring me, supporting me when I was a child. And later. And that I want this site to inspire you, support you, on your way to success in life. But not through myself. Or not through myself only. And while writing this I realize that I think I’m not inspiring. Or not inspiring enough. So I want other people to do the inspiration. But also while writing I realize there is no one else, at least not now. And I do have some things I am proud of, so I do have some reason to inspire you or talk about success.

As e.g. today I wrote in my Dutch blog that I made the WordPress plugin with which I am sending the daily inspirational quote myself. And I forgot about that, which is kind of weird, as it’s just working, I’m just using it every day. And as far as I know other people are also using it. But making it and having it approved by the WordPress team was not easy. As far as I remember it took me months as somehow I got stuck or didn’t have the time for it or something. So there was quite some persistence involved to finish it. And I did finish it, really finished it, as I’m using it every day (except Sunday) and it’s just working and I would not know anything that I would like to change, improve. And I know at least one person is using it as I got a request to add import functionality for e-mails. Or actually I think there were at least two persons involved in that request. So also other people are using it and apparently it is working fine for them also otherwise I guess I would get complaints.

And that plugin was not the only thing I was successful with related to Inspiration for Success. As I guess my biggest success is to write here and in my Dutch blog every day, yes, again, except Sunday. And mentioning the last every time of course doesn’t really make sense. Somehow I add that because otherwise I believe I wouldn’t be honest. As if that would make my achievement of doing several things every day less successful.

So this is often I guess how we pull ourselves down. As somehow we believe ‘the world’ considers writing every day not valid if we give ourselves a well needed break on Sunday. And I still don’t get where those ideas come from and I am quite sure I am not the only one pulling myself down like “I’m not good enough”. And of course that is complete nonsense as believe me, doing those things like writing every day is quite something. So I should be proud of myself instead of pulling myself down.

So what about you? When and how and where are you pulling yourself down when you should just be proud of yourself (I often avoid the word ‘should’ as no one ‘should’ do anything, but I think it’s appropriate here).

And yes, if you think you ‘should’ do more, be more disciplined, remember that I started much simpler than writing blog items every day. I started by just making the bed every day. And I made sure I didn’t miss one day, which I didn’t. But even if you do, just know you can start again every day. And do better if you want, if it feels good, if it makes you feel good.

Updating my desire document

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I just made a major update to my desire document. And I was scared doing that, as some dates had passed and I had not achieved the goals that were written by those dates, far from it.

But I had planned it for today, so I had no option but to do it. As I have decided to finish my daily planned items, no matter what. And yes, of course sometimes there are circumstances that I can’t finish it. Like when I am traveling (and as I also have decided not to have a tablet, not to have continuous internet access). And sometimes I forget to write things down correctly, like if things depend on other people and I didn’t write ‘if it pushes through’ or ‘if the other person agrees’. But in general it is very rare that I don’t finish my daily list. And yes, sometimes the list is empty, like when I know I am traveling or something.

But I don’t want to talk about my daily planning today, I wanted to talk about my experience with updating my desire document, an experience I was scared of.

And as usual I was wrong, being scared of something. As my desire document is there to help me and not to scare me. And it did, in an unimaginable way, for more than two years now. And I just checked the date of the original document that became the basis of my desire document, which is October 22,2 014. And the first ‘readable’ version must have been written November 11, 2014, so a little more than two years ago. And of course the major things are just there, nothing really changed, except that I kind of made it more specific, made it even much ‘tighter’ than the original document.

And I am still looking for words to describe what has happened to me, what an enormous power a desire document summons. As when I wrote down my original desires they were completely impossible, or at least they appeared, they felt impossible. And quite soon after the most impossible thing became quite likely. And over the last two years I slowly found myself living the document, which was and is kind of strange. As the document still contains a lot of unrealized goals and, as indicated above, I passed some dates for some important goals without realizing them. But somehow I am just living the document, living my impossible goals from two years ago.

And it is hard to explain how it works, but it works indeed somehow like influencing your subconscious mind. And I noticed that when I realized that when I first started with phrase like ‘I desire to have 1 million dollar’ (no, that’s not in the actual document, as I consider that private), when reading the document over time this felt inadequate, as it felt like it should be ‘I have 1 million dollar’. So in general actual the opposite happened as what I was scared of: I made the document more specific and more in the now than in the future.

So today I made some major updates, basically because some dates had passed. And strangely enough, the new document is more specific, more in the ‘now’ than the original. And no, nothing really changed related to my desires, they are still the same. They just came closer with this new version of my desire document.

Imagination and subconscious mind

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Mitsubishi Pajero

Guus in black Pajero The last few weeks, months I have been imagining driving my black Mitsubishi Pajero, e.g. when riding up to Malasag using a habal-habal. So like closing my eyes and imagining I was driving my new black Mitsubishi Pajero or was sitting next to the driver and being driven up, to our house. And I have been imagining my (a?) black Mitsubishi Pajero driving up the driveway towards the house. And recently I have been imagining my black Mitsubishi Pajero standing in the driveway like being our car, like just using it, going in and out. And the last imagination took me quite a while, but last week I managed to really make a vivid image of it and really believing it.

And this is all kind of weird, as I have no clue how I could ever be able to buy a new black Mitsubishi Pajero, let alone drive it and pay for the fuel e.g. And no, I never really believed in these kind of things, but as Napoleon Hill indicates in his book Think and Grow Rich I decided to just try things like this, do things like this, no matter how weird or unfamiliar they felt or feel.

But as indicated above, somehow these things have effect, as before I had no idea of how to really feel like owning it, where as I also indicated above, last week I really saw ‘my’ Pajero stand in the driveway and me getting in and out, going to the city and such. And somehow I have and had the feeling it came closer, like first on the way up to Malasag, then seeing it drive up the driveway and recently just see it standing in the car port as if I, if we own it.

And last Saturday I saw a black Mitsubishi Pajero in front of the dealer, apparently just delivered from the factory. And I couldn’t resist to send an e-mail to MItsubishi Manila yesterday. And I am not sure if that was the reason I got this phone call from the Mitsubishi this morning or if they just remembered I was looking for a test drive and such in a (black) Mitsubishi Pajero. But I got it and even though at first I was a bit hesitant to go there ‘before two o’clock’ as I had planned quite some things today, I decided to go, as of course this was an opportunity I could not miss, like sitting in the car I have decided to own and making pictures of me sitting in this car and making pictures. So I went and we did make pictures, as I was even able to convince my partner to join. And the next step of course is to convince, ask the owner to bring his car to our house so I can really make pictures of a black Pajero in our driveway with me sitting in it.

And all of this is weird, as of course I am doubting my decision of owning this car that I specified without even really knowing it. So today was also weird, as sitting in it didn’t really feel like ‘wow’ or something. It was more about something like ‘achieving success’, getting what I want, getting what I decided on, without changing my decision, without doubt.

And no, I still have no real clue where all of this is going, as it is kind of ‘impossible’ for me to own a Mitsubishi Pajero within a reasonable time, like one or two years (I did not set a specific date for this goal), but it is kind of weird, kind of impressive, to see the effect of my visualizations and actions like writing to Mitsubishi, where the strangest thing is that in my imagination my Mitsubishi Pajero came closer and closer, like first going up Malasag Road, then going up the driveway and now standing in the driveway and ‘just being used’. And maybe even more weird that there is an actual black Pajero right now in Cagayan de Oro City, which makes it even ‘come closer’ to me, especially if it would really stand in the driveway somewhere this week or next week.

So let’s see. I’ll keep you posted.

Update

I was just organizing my photos and saw a photo named Mitsubishi Pajero 2015. And no, I don’t have my own black Mitsubishi Pajero yet. And yes, I am worrying a bit that this model will not be there anymore when I would be able to buy one, as I know kind of know something like that will probably not just be given to me. That is not what they call reality.

But maybe I am getting closer, as I may have found the first user of my DoctorsConnect software and that is an important milestone for further progress of that project, my main project at the moment.

And I did not really re-read this post right now, but I am sure many things in it are still valid, even though I often lost and loose the belief that I can go where I want to go and be who I want to be. Somehow these things are indeed related to belief, any belief.

And often I forget to be grateful. And yes, I think I need to let go of this punishing God of mine, the God from my youth, the God that is still in my mind and still rules my life. Not healthy, or at least not convenient, a punishing God, as it just puts me down, puts me down in everything I do. Better to have a loving God, a supporting God I guess.

So where will I find this positive Higher Power, this loving Higher Power, this loving God?